Love and Marriage After 70: What Really Keeps Couples Close

Long-term marriage stays hard at times, but it usually gets steadier when you stick through problems and build trust over the years. The biggest pressure points are money and feeling taken for granted, so talk through retirement finances early and show consistent appreciation in everyday life.

If you ask any of the seniors here in Concord, NC, who've been in long-term relationships for decades, they'll tell you that marriage isn't easy. But if you stick through the challenges, it does get easier.

According to Alice Verstaen et al., couples who stick together long-term tend to exhibit significantly less emotionally negative behavior than those in the earlier stages. In other words, a senior partnership forges a strong emotional connection after decades of facing life's difficulties together.

Let's look at some advice on love and marriage that can help everyone, from newlyweds to couples in assisted living.

Consider Your Financial Situation

According to the APA, one of the biggest things that couples fight about is money, and even though senior couples tend to fight less, the shock of retirement finances can sometimes be enough to cause a divorce.

Often, the reason for that is the fixed nature of retirement income in your working life. If you're facing unexpected repair bills, one or both spouses can put in some overtime at work and make up the extra money.

Likewise, if you feel like taking a lavish vacation, you could also choose to put in the extra hours. Working adults could even choose to take a second job temporarily if they really need some extra spending money.

After decades of this kind of mentality, the fixed nature of a pension often comes as a shock, and couples will need to come to an agreement on where to make sacrifices. Sadly, these discussions often descend into heated arguments.

Safeguard Love and Marriage Through Financial Planning

The best way to approach retirement finance is to start discussing it as early as possible, giving it a chance to iron out points of friction without the pressure of looming bills and unexpected expenses.

Bear in mind that healthcare costs and senior living accommodations can add up. If you want to guarantee that money disputes won't tear apart your marriage after decades of happy years together, it makes sense to consult with a financial advisor and to come to an agreement while you're still of working age.

Love and Marriage Mean Showing Appreciation

Romantic comedy movies have given many couples the mistaken impression that romance is all about making grand gestures or giving extravagant gifts.

However, these movies have to resolve romantic problems within an hour or so, while in real life, couples are together for decades.

Sure, that doesn't mean you shouldn't take your spouse on a romantic date to an expensive restaurant, but the euphoria of a candlelit Valentine's Day dinner will fade within a few weeks, leaving months where your partner might start to feel unappreciated.

Consistent Appreciation Is Key

Successful couples know that consistently showing appreciation through small daily gestures wins out against grand romantic gestures every time. According to Sara B. Algoe et al., in the journal Personal Relationships, gratitude may act as a "booster shot" for a relationship.

Planning some big spectacle for a single evening takes effort, but consistently showing up and being attentive and thankful for the effort your partner puts in sets you apart and demonstrates true commitment.

Give Real Examples

When being appreciative, you should try to give concrete examples that demonstrate understanding rather than using vague platitudes. For example, saying "thank you for making that phone call to the plumber this afternoon" is much better than a vague you're the best, honey statement. You need to demonstrate that your spouse is seen and that none of the efforts they make are in vain.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is it Normal to Argue More in Retirement?

Despite being in a strong, committed marriage, the end of your working life can shake up a marriage. In your working years, the day gives you distance and routine, so small differences are less visible and irritating.

After retirement, that distance is gone, and these issues are plain to see. Here's how the trouble often starts:

• The proximity: When you're together all day, the days feel long, and the little things start to feel irritating.
• The roles: Money and duties shift, and new roles might feel unfair.
• The decline: Without routine, it is easy to get out less, see fewer friends, and have less of a reason to get up in the morning.

A change in environment is often the solution. A senior community can add structure and social contact, so you remember how to live well and appreciate each other.

How do Roles Change After Retirement?

Retirement doesn't just change your schedule; it can reshape your whole identity, responsibilities, and the balance of the relationship. Here's how roles can change in your senior years:

• During working life, one or both spouses have an identity rooted in their career; without work providing a sense of purpose and direction, people sometimes feel aimless.
• If one spouse has significant health problems, it could create a caregiver dynamic rather than an equal partnership.
• Without work, arrangements with chores and other household responsibilities that once felt fair could start feeling unequal.

To address these difficulties, senior couples should have an open and honest conversation about roles after retirement. If one spouse feels they're becoming more of a caregiver, it's often a signal that it's time to consider a senior community.

Stay Close in Our Senior Community

Decades together create a strong bond, but marriage in aging is different. Early financial planning reduces pressure, and consistent, everyday appreciation matters more than big gestures.

If it feels like keeping up is getting too much, consider starting your next chapter in a senior community. Here at Morningside of Concord, we take care of the mundane logistics of everyday life, giving our residents the freedom to enjoy unprecedented leisure time.

For those who served in the military, moving into our community is even easier, as you may be eligible to receive a significant discount on the rent.

Contact us today to set up a tour, see how the community supports love and marriage, and meet our other couples in assisted living.